26.

woo baby. 26 years old! 
& i have a feeling this year will be the best one ever! 

photos from this weekend's birthday celebrations with my college roommates

taken with iphone vsco cam app

and so, i am laying outside on this beautiful birthday. not a cloud in the sky. 
my dad came home early from work to take me out for coffee & donuts and i am looking forward to spending quality time with the family tonight! sadly, pete is at work... but it is one of his LAST days in the coast guard and that is like the best birthday gift in the history of birthday gifts that i could ever ask for... so it's all good.

thank you for letting me take a much needed break from blogging. i am doing wonderful health wise & it has just been crazy busy around here with packing, planning, & getting ready for our move to San Francisco next week! crazy i know. but i am back & ready as ever to continue this journey with you all. i won't share with you what i am wishing for when i blow out the candles on my cake (strawberry shortcake that is) because i want it to come true! but to give you a hint, it will have something to do along the lines of going on more adventures & making up for lost time ;)

wish list: april showers

the prettiest wrapped soaps (& good for a cause) via here + this striped beauty from here

 a floral Tory Burch one piece via here + this pink & metal choker from here

an exciting concept available here + a shirt to inspire me to actually camp via here!

tailbone update: the last one.

so, where to begin...

i started this blog about a year ago because i absolutely loved other people's blogs that i followed. i always thought "i should totally do that!" and so i did. and it has turned into more than i could imagine. not just because of the people who stop by daily, but for myself. 

having a blog can be a tricky thing. it is a never ending struggle for balance. balance in what you post, but more importantly, what you share about yourself. i always knew when i started that i wanted to be honest. i wanted to be relate-able. because so many blogs show these perfect women who wear perfect designer outfits & do perfect crafts, and so on... and don't get me wrong, i love all those blogs. they inspire me to be better... but that isn't exactly who i am.  and so, i have shared with everyone my story of my tailbone pain, surgeries, & recovery. but only a surface story. because you really don't want to see the pictures, and most people don't want to hear a sob story or pity party. because you don't check out blogs to make your day go south, you visit to be inspired. 

so here is my point: as much as this blog could inspire other people, the most impact it has had is on me. because the truth is this. this blog has gotten me through the past 9 months. it has been a therapeutic outlet, a positive activity since i still can't work, & to be completely and shockingly honest... most weeks, the wardrobe posts have been the only thing that would get me out of bed to shower, do my hair, & put on clothes. 

it is so easy to look at other people and be jealous of what you see on the surface. we all do it. but most people don't put themselves out there to be judged on the internet with a personal blog. it is so easy to see the pretty pictures & nice hair-do's and be like "who does this girl think she is?" and no, i honestly don't get upset if anyone doesn't like my blog... of course i care, but i don't let it ruin my day, because this blog has helped me heal in ways i can't even begin to explain.

because basically and to be quite frank: i have lost almost a year of my life. i had to quit my job, move back in with my parents because pete's military schedule wouldn't allow for him to be home enough to take care of me  (i required constant care) ...the man has driven 3 hours to new jersey and 3 hours back to Connecticut, every 2 days for the past 9 months, just because of what happened. our lives were turned upside down in just our second year of marriage.

and so it has been 9 months. 9 months of wound changing, worrying the blood was leaking through the gauze onto my clothes. 9 months of IV's, pain medication, & therapy due to post traumatic stress disorder & a serious depression from the trauma i was going through and the effects the whole situation had on my entire family, husband, and friends. i look back on old posts & see the pictures from my roomie's wedding, & the trip to california. and what astounds me is i looked so happy & well... and yet every night i was curled up in bed, sobbing from pain & exhaustion and telling pete "my blog is such a lie of pretty pictures" ... i laugh now, so dramatic! but it is a perfect example of how you think you know all about someone, but you have no idea.

but you know what??? i have made it. barely, but made it. and this will be my last tailbone post. because i am looking to close this chapter on my life & move forward. this was the most traumatic experience i have ever been through and yet i am stronger. pete and i are stronger. when a surgeon says whitefaced to my husband & mother "we are going to lose her" ... it puts all other things aside. my parents and husband and friends are incredible. i could cry just thinking about all i have put them through. my therapist says she has nominated pete for best husband of the year. because he truly is. i don't know how i could have gotten so lucky. he would do anything for me, and he has. he has stuck by my side and held my hand through this whole ordeal. we have been through, in our first two years of marriage, what most don't go through their whole lives. we have built a foundation of love and strength that will never waver, and now he is bringing me to california to start a new chapter together. to move on: with his exit from the coast guard and from this whole ordeal.  and we couldn't be more excited!

*sigh*
so where have i been the past couple of weeks: i have been going through what i do not wish upon my worst enemy. after 9 long months of pain medicine, i am finally off of them. but it took one of the worst experiences: withdrawals. let me tell you. they are no effing joke. i wanted to throw myself out of the window. i can't even begin to describe the feelings of when your body is like "what the hell are you doing to me, why aren't you giving me medicine" ...it is extreme anxiety, restlessness, and the most incredible skin crawling that makes you literally want to jump out of your own body. (so dramatic LA!) i know... but it is the truth. i have a high tolerance for pain, and this experience is no joke. and knowing it was going to be miserable, my pain management doctor put me on a Clonidine patch. it works amazing for reducing the symptoms of opiate withdrawals, however it lowers your blood pressure and causes extreme fatigue. like bone & body exhaustion followed by falling asleep in the dentist waiting room yesterday. that kind of fatigue. so doing blog posts & putting on clothes has not happened... yet.

but it is coming! i promise. i am almost there... just be patient. for those who do not know me personally, thank you for stopping by and reading!! (sorry this post isn't very fun!) but for those of you who are my dear friends & family, this post was meant for you. it is the biggest thank you i could possible muster. thank you for your patience, for being there for me, for helping, for caring, for loving. i will be back to my old self in no time! the happy blonde girl is itching to get out & live a happy & healthy life. and i couldn't have done it without you, and without this blog :)

wardrobe: peachy keen

TOP: Bass (Clinton Outlets)

SKIRT: J.Crew

TIGHTS: Macy's similar here

BOOTS: Coach